I’m at the age where friends’ children and children’s friends are getting married and we’ve enjoyed attending some of these lovely weddings. I can’t help but think how different weddings are now, compared to when Mark and I were married in 1982.

The bachelorette party was in its infancy then. We didn’t fly to Las Vegas, go to a fancy spa or rent a party limo. Friends of the bride gathered together at the hostess’ home and ate wedges of Impossible Cheeseburger Pie and Jello Pistachio Fluff. We drank the “new” wine coolers, shared indelicate or funny gifts and played games (plenty of giggling and blushing here). There was just a hint of debauchery and the bride’s integrity was held intact.

In 1982 the bride and her mother or her Maid of Honor completed the bridal registry. The future hubby was left at home. The registry allowed you to pick your china, crystal and silverware patterns as well as items needed to start a basic household. Generally, requests included bedding, cookware (everyone needs a turkey baster, right?), a vacuum and small appliances—those kinds of things.

Today, couples register together. Without a registry, many of us would be stumped as to what to purchase for the happy couple. After all, many modern couples live independently and expect to combine two households into one that’s shared. Then, there are those marrying a second time (only 56.2 percent of all marriages are firsts). Nearly 70% of couples (including same sex couples) are living together before they tie the knot. Basic household needs may have already been met in these cases, so couples sometimes register for unexpected things like electronics, art, and honeymoon items, such as luggage, scuba equipment and airline tickets.

Gone are the formal invitations where the bride’s parents “Request the Honour of Your Presence” in calligraphy and black ink with a piece of tissue inside. Recently we have received very colorful invites using two or more fonts (shameful at one time) embellished with bows, lace and even burlap. Sometimes a photo of the happy couple adorns the invitation. The RSVP states: “Will Celebrate in Person ___  Will Celebrate in Spirit ___” or “Yep ___  Nope ___”. We’ve even received a card requesting a favorite song to be played at the reception as part of the invitation.

Along with invitations, couples also use “Save the Dates” for a fun way to announce their upcoming nuptials, so you can start to think about what you’re going to wear.

“Here comes the Bride” means here comes the debt. According to The Knot , the average spent on a wedding in 2014 was $31,213! To me, this indicates that many couples and their families are willing to spend a small fortune for this (hopefully) “once-in-a-lifetime” event.

The good news for parents our age is, couples today are older and generally both are working and can share the cost or entirely pay for the wedding of their dreams. What hasn’t changed since the 1980’s, is the willingness to spend to make sure that special day is indeed, a memorable one.

We had a very formal wedding. It was, after all, the decade of Princess Diana’s wedding. I will say that I’m pleased brides still opt for a formal wedding dress no matter her choice of venue. Cathedral trains, (mine was not 25 feet long!) were a popular choice versus the jeweled hair combs, flowered hairbands or vintage-inspired birdcage fascinators of today.

Brides wore white or ecru dress shoes. Bridesmaids wore satin heels that were dyed to match their (very) pastel dresses. Brides today can wear anything from bejeweled flip-flops to cowboy boots. Grooms and groomsmen wore black (usually rented) shoes with their tuxes. I attended a wedding in which the groom wore grey Converse sneakers with his tuxedo and the groomsmen wore the same Converse, only in yellow.

1980’s weddings had more of a perfect, fairytale feel than the celebratory feel of today’s weddings. Ceremonies were almost always held in church. The groom’s family would sit on the right, while the bride’s family would sit on the left. At a recent wedding ceremony a blackboard sign guided us to seating:

“Today, two families become one so pick a seat not a side”.

Ceremonies were followed by formal receptions with traditional dinners of beef, chicken or salmon. I’ve noticed recent weddings have a much more relaxed feel to menus. Along with the more traditional food fare, hot dogs and Goetta balls were also included, (those of you in Kentucky know what these are).

Cakes in the 80’s were towers covered in white royal icing and not the pretty, pimped-up cupcakes or tasty pink macaroons we’ve recently shared with a bride and groom. We certainly would not have used a Star Wars Saber to cut the cake either!

Our photographer would have us pose, pose, pose again, 6 more poses, just one more pose, and another pose. I wanted to be with family and friends, so I had instructed the photographer to take photos of Mark and me with our guests, because, why not? I’d like to remember who was there, right? He was uncomfortable with candid shots (Boo!).

Today, photography is much more playful. There are photos of the bridesmaids before they’re ready; hands displaying wedding rings with their (wait for it), dog’s paw; photos with the bride and groom leaning on an old pickup truck; groomsmen jumping simultaneously as if they’re levitating in the picture and the bride and groom holding signs that send a message of love. I know, I know. They’re “posed” too, but the beauty of it? They don’t look posed…at all.

And, we shouldn’t forget about the photo booth and the resurgent use of Polaroids, which are so much fun and such a nice memory for the new Mr. & Mrs.

I love the weddings of today because anything goes! One recent wedding had Facebook posts that described the bride “bouncing” with excitement. There was no way I would “bounce” in 1982…it wasn’t “bride-like” (sigh).

I envy the freedom that today’s couples have. Only one wedding this past year was the epitome of elegant formality and held in church (which also happened to be a Cathedral). The other venues ranged from rustic to vintage to whimsical.

The modern bride can use her imagination for the venue and décor for her big day. She has Pinterest to help, whereas brides in the 80’s had “Bride Magazine”. That’s it. “Bride Magazine”.

We’ve experienced a barn wedding with an old rowboat filled with ice and bottled beverages. We’ve attended a formal wedding on Lake Michigan with wild flowers in Mason jars hanging from shepherd’s hooks and succulents adorning the tables. Then there was the formal venue with a bourbon bar (again a salute to Kentucky).

I love the seemingly freedom from rules and the surprises you experience with today’s creative and fun weddings. When I was married, I felt there were rules to follow and expectations to be met. (Some day Sandy, the trendsetter, will have to post about her nonconformist wedding. Can you say “My Big Fat Polish Wedding”?). And with expectations comes stress. I think my best photo was walking up the aisle after the ceremony. If I thought I could have, we would have walked up the aisle to “Rocky’s Theme” and I would have lifted my arms in victory. Then Mark and I would have boarded a bus and left! Oh, but, what would the photographer have done?