Is Honesty the Best Policy?

mistaking rudeness for honesty is vulgar

I’ve heard it countless times. I’ve said it. As we get older, we care less and less about “what others think”. We are proud of being brutally honest. But is honesty always the best policy?

There is a difference between being honest and being downright rude. I’m starting to think a large percentage of the American population doesn’t realize this. Not only are they making rude comments, they’re proud of it. They re-tell a story to their friends, bragging about — even exaggerating — their rudeness. It’s mind-boggling.

I can think of two explanations:

  1. They feel anonymous
  2. They are confused
FEELING ANONYMOUS

anonymous

It’s true that the internet has made the world smaller. It’s made information, products and people accessible. I’ve reconnected with old friends and get to keep up-to-date with distant family members. It’s a wonderful thing. In a matter of a few minutes, I know who is struggling and who is celebrating, who is angry, bored or in love. I enjoy being part of their lives, even indirectly.

Then … I see THAT post. The one that makes me cringe.

I’m not a prude. I have no problem with scrolling past a post I find offensive. I have no problem hiding or un-friending someone. I believe wholeheartedly that everyone has the right to post whatever they choose. What I am struggling with are some of the surprising “opinions” of some of my friends and family. My gut clenches and I think “That’s not the person I know!” Either they’re hiding their true selves when they’re with me, or they are being someone else online.

Here’s a helpful hint: If you wouldn’t be comfortable making a comment or voicing an opinion to me in person, don’t post it where I can read it. Create a list of people that aren’t privy to your general, daily posts and please, put me on it! I want to see your vacation pictures and read about your family. I don’t want to know that you’re racist, anti-gay, into S/M or a member of a Hate Group. I don’t want to experience your anger, vulgarity or rudeness. You may feel anonymous and say things you wouldn’t express face-to-face, but I know who you are! And it changes how I think of you.

CONFUSED

confused

I think we need to start using the dictionary again. There seems to be a lot of confusion about the definitions of some very common words and phrases.

  • BE YOURSELF – Yes, I agree. We should all be ourselves; be proud of who we are. We should rejoice in our differences and embrace our quirks. However, “Being Yourself” is not a free pass to being a jerk.
  • BE STRONG – The opposite of being weak is not being rude. This is especially true for women nowadays. Women don’t want to appear “weak” so they go to the extreme. They think being a rude, vulgar, loud-mouth shows us how “strong” they are. It doesn’t. It shows us that they are rude, vulgar, loud-mouths with a lack of compassion.
  • BE HONEST – Again, being rude is NOT being honest. It’s being rude. We are not impressed and we’re not dying to be like you. You are making us uncomfortable and want to be around you less. If you approach me and blurt out “You’ve gained weight!” (“That dress looks horrible on you.”, “Your hair looks awful”, etc.), you are just being rude. If I ASK you how I look, and you tell me truthfully, then you’re being honest. Unsolicited opinions are inconsiderate, undesired and just plain rude.

I think everyone needs to ensure the words “Compassion”, “Consideration” and “Courtesy” are still in their dictionary. Irene reminded me of the episode on the Andy Griffith Show when Aunt Bee left town for a few days. She calls Andy and asks how everything is going.

andy griffith

Andy is standing in the kitchen, which is totally trashed. He doesn’t want Aunt Bee to feel anxious about leaving. His response? “Everything is fine.”

Is honesty the best policy? Not if it’s at the expense of others.


Are you experiencing the same thing? We’d like to hear from you!

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New Orleans (on the cheap)

Our finances are very limited, but we enjoy travel. When my friend, Jean, and I decided a trip to New Orleans was in order, we stayed within budget ($475 per person) but still got to do everything on our “New Orleans Bucket List”.

wait forever

We found out the Amtrak train “City of New Orleans” (made famous in the 1972 Arlo Guthrie song) made a stop in Kentucky. We traveled the 3rd week of October. Weather was perfect, costs were low and nothing was over-crowded but crowded enough. Cost for the round trip: $175 per person. No gas cost and stress free (vs. a navigator and traffic and cramming 2 people and luggage in the back seat of a car).

train1 train2

We booked 2 rooms at The Creole Gardens Guesthouse, a mansion in the Garden District which was built in 1849. The guest rooms are in servant’s quarters.

creole_gardens

It’s eclectic, bohemian…. just our style! Cost per person: $148.50 for 4 nights including breakfast.

courtyard2

We splurged and made dinner reservations at Emeril Lagasse’s Delmonico (just around the corner from the Creole Gardens), one of my “New Orleans Bucket List” to-do’s. Cost: $50 per person including awesome entrée, beverage, scrumptious dessert and tip.

emerils1

We each got a different dessert, took a bite and rotated to the left so we could all taste each fabulous one.

emerils2

Each morning, we would meet in the court before breakfast. Every time I stepped out of my room, I would smile. This place just made me smile!!! It is so colourful; so happy.

courtyard2

Barbara and Miss Barbara (her mother) prepared all of the breakfasts (which were included in the cost of the rooms). Barbara was always singing and dancing to Motown.The Barbaras cook hot, delicious breakfast …made to order.

barb miss barb

We walked to St. Charles Avenue (around the corner) and caught the trolley (streetcar). Trolley cost $1.25 each trip or $3 for the day (until 4 am).

trolley

The St. Charles is the oldest continuously operating streetcar in the world (operational for over 150 years). Mahogany seats that have backs that slide from one end to the other (so you can sit facing the other direction when the trolley goes back), brass fittings and exposed, flickering ceiling light bulbs. Very loud, the trolley rumbles along….bong bong bong then a loud clank and sparks would fly out from underneath. Then everything would go dead silent and the lights would go out for a few minutes. I actually thought the thing stopped dead, but it didn’t.

We swayed along, going through a tunnel of Live Oaks, and past antebellum mansions. We got off at Canal, right at the entrance to Bourbon Street.

streets1

All of the doors were flung open so you would walk past and catch glimpses of the inside of the shops, hear the music and conversations, barkers calling, smell the smells. All of the senses were wildly active! Tin ceilings, arched windows, street names made of white ceramic tile with blue letters embedded in concrete on each street corner. Mardi Gras beads were everywhere.

streets2

We stopped at the Musical Legends Park and listened to the live music while admiring the statues of greats like Al Hirt and Fats Domino. Great ambiance. Cost: Free

jazz park

Many of the storefronts and bars have courts at the back. Seating, music, smoking and drinking. We spent a few breaks in the courts…. I got a New Orleans Bloody Mary which is quite different from a Bloody Mary in Savannah. It’s brown in colour and has pickled green beans and jalapenos in it. Spicy. Good, very good. But it was too spicy for my stomach to handle ☹ I swapped Jean for her drink: Jameson and ginger ale. Can’t finish your cocktail quickly? No worries; take it with you. It’s legal to walk down Bourbon Street with a drink in hand. Cost: $8.

courtyard break

There are street performers aplenty… Cost: Free (unless you feel kind enough to make a donation).

Uncle Louie

A “must” on our list was a visit to Marie Laveau’s House of Voodoo (the most famous voodoo shop). We also stopped in at Reverend Zombie’s Voodoo Shop and a number of souvenir shops and bars.

voodoo

We walked to the French Market district, stopping in the shops along Decatur and along French Market Place. We went to the Farmer’s Market and Flea Market and browsed through the stalls. We ate Crab Cakes and Apple Beignets at a lunch counter, Mother Nature’s Cupboard. Behind the counter was a wall of jars… strange things in the jars! The proprietor, Gene Murphy, was a delight and the food was fabulous. Cost: $5 (we shared)

frenchmarket

Of course, we went to Café du Monde for coffee and beignets. OMG! They are wonderful! A street musician was playing the saxaphone, and there were tons of people. The energy is awesome.

cafe du monde0

We each enjoyed a cup of their famous coffee and 3 wonderful beignets. Cost: $3.50 per person.

cafe du monde1cafe du monde2

We took a stroll along the Mississippi River.  A paddle boat played music that sounded like calliope. We sat on a bench and just enjoyed the view, the freighters, tug boats and paddle boats. Cost: Free

 mississippi

Next stop, the Clover Grill for lunch. The food was good; the menu funny. (Under menu descriptions would be personal comments like “If you’re not served in 5 minutes, relax, it may be another 5. This is not New York City”. Cost: $6.30 each.

clover_grill2

One street was blocked off. We soon found out that they were filming NCIS New Orleans. What an unexpected treat! We stood and watched for quite a while. There were 3 actors, navy dress blues, crossing the street over and over. They acted as if they were jumping a puddle. Later, they set off an explosion so I’m guessing they merged the 2 pieces of film together to look like the explosion made them leap away from it.

ncis

We took the trolley farther into the Garden District for a tour of Lafayette Cemetery No. 1, one of the oldest cemeteries in the city. It was built on an old sugar plantation. Pat, our tour guide from Save Our Cemeteries did an amazing job for only $15 per person. The money goes towards preserving the cemeteries so I always recommend them for tours.

lafayette1

Tombs are above ground (because the city is built on a swamp) and are shared by the family. The cemetery resembles a small village with all of it’s above ground monuments and tombs, so has the nickname “City of the Dead.”

city of dead

The “Secret Garden” is a square of four tombs built by friends, “the Quarto,” who held secret meetings and wished to be buried together. It was the tomb of Lestat in the 1994 movie “Interview with a Vampire” (Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise) and all of the cemetery scenes in the movie were filmed here. Another movie that was filmed here was “Double Jeopardy” (1999) with Ashley Judd.

secret_garden

There are tours of the homes available, but since we opted to splurge on good eating, we did the tour ourselves. You can find all you need on the internet to create your own walking tour at sites like New Orleans Garden District.

We walked up Coliseum Street and passed Sandra Bullock’s, John Goodman’s and the “Benjamin Button” house. Nicholas Cage also lives here and at First and Chestnut, we saw Ann Rice’s house, the inspiration for Mayfair Manor, the home of the Mayfair Witches in her book “The Witching Hour”. Cost: Free

ann rice

The boys went on to the Central Business District and the National WWII Museum while Jean and I went back to Bourbon Street. Admission to WWII Museum: $23 per person.

We had dinner at the Irish House which is just around the corner from the Creole Gardens. The chef at the Irish House is Chef Matt Murphy, who won his episode of Chopped in 2012 and has many other accomplishments in the culinary world. The food was so good, we understand why he won! Cost: $20.01 per person for entrées, dessert, beverages and tip.

irish house

Luckily, we were walking back to creole gardens so were able to walk off some of the food. The courts were lit by party lights. We sat in the courtyard, talking about the day.

Time to go home. It was a spectacular, satisfying trip. … LAISSEZ LES BONS TEMPS ROULER, CHER!

home


What did we miss? What do you have on your New Orleans Bucket List? We’d love to hear from you.

Don’t think you can afford to travel? Read how we do it in our post “Traveling on a Budget“.

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Shaken not Stirred (“Giddy-Up” Cocktail Recipe)

I’ve never been a big drinker but once we started a family, drinking just naturally reverted to almost never.

Shortly after Mark’s brother retired, we noticed he enjoyed a cocktail hour every day,  and I thought, “Huh!” Our youngest had gone off to college and there was nothing stopping me from enjoying a cocktail now and then.

My husband and I are now over that honeymoon period of being empty-nesters with just “cake and vodka” in the house. Cocktails have become something worth learning to do right.

One of my favorites (because it’s fast and delicious), was this concoction Sandy and I threw together.

cuppa_joe

Giddy-Up

1-9.5 ounce Starbucks coffee flavored Frappuccino
2 jiggers of vodka
1 jigger of Kahlua
1 jigger of Creme de Cacao

. In an ice filled shaker combine all the ingredients.
. Shake vigorously.
. Strain into a clean and well-chilled *Starbuck’s bottle

*The label peels off quite easily.  Then any leftover goo from the label and the “Sell by Date” can be removed with Goo-Gone.

Aside from our standard Polish toast,  “Sto Lat!” (May you live a hundred years.), this is going to be another favorite:

“To old age, may it always be ten years older than we are.”

Clink-clink

Traveling on a Budget

This past October, we needed to get away for a bit. Explore someplace new and exciting. Get the blood flowing again. We decided a trip to New Orleans was in order. The problem was our finances.

Everyone says that when you’re middle-aged, you should travel. I agree. I love to travel. But what if you just can’t afford elaborate trips? Never fear! All trips do not require you to take out a mortgage!

if only i had
We took the trip to New Orleans and spent almost a full week there. We were able to do everything on our “New Orleans Bucket List” and only spent $475 per person. Total! That included splurges like dinner at Emeril’s and The Irish House. Here’s how we do it:

  • Set a Goal – I have found that saving for an “unknown future trip” is not enough incentive to squirrel away money. Having a set destination and an estimated time-frame keeps it in the forefront of our brains. We are more aware of it and save a bit more. Keep in mind, you should stay flexible!
  • Save Creatively – My friend Jean throws all her change in a jar. Remember, “Pennies Make Dollars” and Jean literally saved enough change to take her whole family (6 people) to Disney World. Irene prepares taxes for 3 months to get her annual “Gulf Shores vacation” money. I hold yard sales and sell everything I’ve accumulated for 37 years but can’t fit in the Kentucky house. You can clip coupons and everything saved goes in a travel fund, or give up pizza every week for a year. Use your talent to bake for someone’s event or tutor or sew curtains. The key is to put something away towards travel without it affecting your day-to-day living.yard sale
  • Be flexible – Some of the best deals are available with 30 days (or less) notice. If you’re flexible, you have a better chance of getting a great, affordable trip.
  • Sign up for notification – The internet is your friend for notifying you of great deals. Especially, if you’re flexible. (Need to know who to sign up with? We’ve created a partial list of Travel Discount Notifications.)notification
  • Sign up for perks – Sign up for Frequent Flyer miles, Hotel memberships, etc. You receive “points” every time you use it or in some cases, make purchases that give you travel miles. The points (or miles) can be turned in for a free hotel room, free or discounted travel or upgrades. Check out our partial list Travel Perks (Points and Miles) for suggestions. If you have a credit card, convert it to travel points. I don’t have credit cards, so can’t speak intelligently about this, but the Frugal Travel Guy seems to have it down pat. Check out his blog.
  • USE your discounts – Too many of us have discounts and we don’t use them. Everyone thinks of AAA for travel discounts but did you know other companies and organizations offer discounts to their employees and members? Some examples include:
    • American Automobile Association (AAA)
    • American Association of Retired Persons (AARP)
    • Costco
    • Farm Bureau
    • The American Legion
    • Unions and Associations:
      • Public Employee Federation (PEF)
      • United Food and Commercial Workers (UFCW)
      • National Education Association (NEA)
      • American Federation of Teachers (AFT)
      • American Federation of Government Employees (AFGE)

Ask your insurance agent, former or current employer, credit card company, union, bank and/or credit union,  or any organization you are a member of if they offer travel benefits.

ASK! At hotels, restaurants, and attractions, always ask if they give a senior discount. The definition of “senior” varies. I have been taking advantage of this since I was 50.

  • Explore near home – Weekend and day trips are great for getaways! Check out things closer to home for an affordable alternative to a “2 week European adventure”. Currently, we are visiting every remaining covered bridge in Kentucky (Indiana is next!), and doing the Bourbon Trail one distillery at a time. Go to a winery, brewery, local garden, historical site or town, sauna, golf club. The list is endless! Create a Bucket List for things to see and do near you.

switzer bridge

  • Get a travel buddy (or not) – Consider your spouse, child, niece/nephew, cousin, friend, coworker. Splitting the expenses goes a long way. Many travel packages are based on two people traveling. Just make sure it’s someone you can travel with and that you won’t have to forfeit part of your enjoyment. If you don’t have a travel buddy, you may not have anyone to split expenses with, but it’s easier to control spending, so still very doable.
  • Include breakfast – Stay at a Bed and Breakfast or book a hotel package that includes breakfast. You get at least one good meal a day and can save your money for shopping or drinking at the pubs!

barb miss barb

  • Decorate a Cheap Hotel Room – This one may strike you as strange, but Irene and I have taken many trips using this little money saver. We would find a ‘newly renovated’ or a new cheap hotel (like Red Roof Inn) and get a room with two double beds for $29 – $49 per night. Then a quick trip to the nearest Walmart or Dollar General to purchase a coffee maker, candles, silk flowers and a vase, chenille throws and toss pillows, small rugs, a decorative soap dish and Goat’s Milk Soap, and a tablecloth. A few times, we even got inexpensive beaded lamps, water fountains and a stuffed cat. It makes the room much more tolerable for very little money and you can take all your purchases home to the kids.
  • Kitchenette – Many hotel rooms come with a small refrigerator and microwave (and up to a full kitchen). You can buy groceries or bring home leftovers to extend your meals.

fridge in room

  • Share an entrée – Most times when we eat at a restaurant, we end up leaving half of the meal. Split the entrée and if you’re still hungry, get another side dish, or better yet, dessert. If you’re traveling alone, order soup or salad and an appetizer rather then an entrée.

bill and dessert

  • Do Your Research! – A few minutes (or an hour) doing research online or on the phone can save you hundreds of dollars. Sometimes the deal on a travel site is phenomenal and you certainly should book online. Be aware, though, that if the deal isn’t great, you should NOT book online so that you get credit on your hotel or air membership. Do your research!
  • Travel Off Season – If the hustle and bustle of the crowds isn’t what appeals to you, consider going off season. Everything can be less expensive! There’s a great article on How to Travel in the Off Season for Great Deals by lifehacker.
  • Rent – If a long stay is what you desire, consider renting an apartment, house or villa rather then booking a hotel. There are two sites worth checking for rentals: HomeAway and VRBO
  • Consider Alternative Means of Traveling – We always think of cars, planes and cruise ships when thinking about traveling, but there are also trains and buses.
    train ride

Amtrak has great deals and a Frequent User program. If traveling by train, here are some helpful hints to make your trip more enjoyable:

    • If you didn’t get a sleeper car, bring a travel neck pillow. The seats are large and spacious and sometimes it’s difficult to rest your head.
    • Speak to the conductor and request you are notified of every stop that has sufficient time to get off and stretch your legs. Stretch your legs! For smokers, it’s a necessity for making the trip tolerable.
    • If the train is empty and you’re traveling with buddies, spread out for as long as you can. It’s easier to lay across 2 seats then find a comfortable spot in one. As the train fills up, you’ll have to give up this luxury so take advantage while you can.
    • Bring a deck of cards, laptop, iPod, snacks and drinks. We actually brought a small cooler. When you’re not sleeping, you can go to the lounge car and sit at tables and play cards, etc. while enjoying the passing view.

Megabus is a very low-priced option to get you to a destination. You have to be flexible and keep in mind you may have to take more then one bus.

  • Demos – Although I have never tried this option, I have friends who do all of their traveling by attending demonstrations. Usually, a sales-pitch (condo sales are typical), this couple has spent weeks in Hawaii, California, Alaska and Colorado by agreeing to spend 1-4 hours listening to the demo. They have had meals, hotels and even round-trip airfare paid by investing a few hours of their vacation.

I’m certain I’m missing a lot of great tricks for traveling without auctioning off the first-born child. I’d love to hear your tips so, please, share!

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