Aunt Nellie came for a visit yesterday.
	Oh? How is Smelly Nellie?
	Good….. good. But…..
	But what?
	Well, last night, I was lying on the couch, watching The Bachelor…
	OMG!!! Do you BELIEVE he kept that boozed-up chick?
	I would have gotten rid of her first. What does he see in her? She probably yacked all over the floor right after she took his rose!
	Did you see what the other girl did after the rose ceremony? Unbelievable!
	No, I missed that! (sob)
	What???
	Well, I was lying on the couch, watching …and I kept SMELLING this stench.
	Did you fluff?
	NO!
	Did Eddie fluff?
	NO!
	You’re going to blame the dog, aren’t you?
	<laughs> Yeah, like you farting in Hallmark stores, then walking away so I have to deal with all the dirty looks.
	<laughs> That was YOU!
	Naaaaah! So, I kept getting this whiff of that icky smell….. and I remembered. Aunt Nellie was sitting right where my head was. I mean, that was hours ago! Are smells solid??
	Not unless she dropped a log…
	Worse!!! She’s now decided to go commando!!!! Soooooo… I jumped up, scrubbed the cushion then took a shower, and by that time, The Bachelor was over! (sob)
	Can’t she smell herself?
	I think people get used to their own smell. Like, the time I had to tell that guy at work he needed to shower more and wear deodorant because the other people in the office complained about their eyes burning from his stench.
	I know! I had to have that talk with a file clerk about leaving her farm boots at home because she smelled like cow pies….I wish I had some pie…pie would be good right about now….
	I would know if I smelled…
	Maybe… I read somewhere that by age 70, you lose 75% of your sense of smell. So do the math. We’ve probably lost 50% of our smell!
	Well that explains a lot!
	What?
	Why older women bathe in perfume.
	It seems like I’m always on an elevator with one of those women. I don’t mind the smell of Emeraude or Shalimar, but not when they’re doused in it.
	Or it’s gotten old and the smell is weird…like a combination of church incense and bourbon. I think they don’t realize it and put it on anyway.
	And their sense of smell sucks.
	Remember that time at that hardware store? What was the name of it? It’s not around any more…
	Forest City!
	Yes! Forest City. Remember? At the register? I thought fertilizer was stacked nearby. It nearly brought me to my knees. Then you told me it was a guy in line. I didn’t believe you. It didn’t smell human.
	<laughs> I remember! I thought I’d pee my pants laughing. You were always soooooo naïve
	Remember Mom? She’d overdo it in the garden on a hot day. She’d sweat puddles, then stumble into the house looking like she just had a fight with a toddler and collapse on my couch!
	What is with them and stinking up our couches?
	Who knows? I do know I cleaned my couch a lot in the summer! She also experienced night sweats. In the morning, a whole mess of pajamas would be hanging on the bedpost to dry. Her (stubborn) position was “if there were no butterscotch pudding stains, they were still good to go." No amount of rolling my eyes or making gagging sounds would change her mind.
	I don’t get night sweats. In fact, I don’t sweat much at all…well, maybe when I’m fighting for my life in RuneScape. I understand the sweat, but what made Mrs. Kraut smell like a urinal?
	That’s becaus she was happy! She was laughing all the time!
	Well, now I know I don’t stink…. I’m always miserable.
	Haven’t you noticed? The older you get, the harder it is to hold it. It gets to a point where all you have to do is sneeze or laugh, and you pee a tiny bit.
	Oh great. Now I have to start Kegeling again?
	Yep. We get to Kegel again for a new reason!
	The old reason lasted all of 3 months, and then I lost interest.
	Can you picture Mom cross-eyed at the dinner table? “Mom, are you Kegaling?”
	Eddie and I are going to get new glasses.
	Oh? Are you going to order them on that website?
	I think so. All the girls at the bank love theirs.
	Remember Mrs. Keller? My 5th grade teacher? I want glasses like she had.
	I don’t remember her glasses, but I remember her house had that pee-yew factor.
	It smelled like….my basement? Or like Aunt Helen’s attic? It was always so dark in there. And the dust! It was everywhere. Apparently those glasses didn’t help.
	Her house definitely had a funky smell.
	Well, I hope I save someone that awkward conversation with me…you’ll tell me if I start stinking?
	Uh, yeah. Sure.

Heads up to all of you on the wrong side of 40|

• Ageing may make gas worse, because as we get older we do not produce digestive juices, such as saliva, as efficiently.
• Homes of the elderly tend to be stuffy or musty because windows aren’t open very often. As we age, we lose the ability to regulate our body’s temperature, resulting in always feeling cold. This lack of fresh air is the cause of stuffiness.
• The elderly sometimes become dizzy, find it difficult to bend, kneel or stoop, so it becomes more difficult to keep their homes clean. The air smells stale due to dust, mold and mildew that accumulate.
• As we get older, we don’t move as fast and rarely work up a sweat. It becomes easier to get another day out of already worn clothing than doing laundry.   One study showed that we shed far more dirt and oil onto our clothes than we do in the shower–so to smell clean, keep your clothes clean.
• An older adult’s sense of smell isn’t as sharp as it used to be. They don’t smell anything and have no clue that anyone is reacting to it.
• Dry mouth is an affliction of old age and the cause of bad breath. And dentures retain odors if they aren’t replaced when they should be.
• As we age, we stop feeling thirsty due to our pituitaries. Food, drink and medications become concentrated and those odors come out through the pores. Dry skin sheds skin cells, which have a musty odor. Urine also becomes more concentrated resulting in a stronger odor.
• Common to older adults is urge incontinence. This is an urgent need to urinate resulting in the loss of urine on the way to the bathroom.