In Ireland, if you ask for the location of a “restroom”, “bathroom” or (perish the thought) “powder room”, the Irish will have none of that nonsense. Irish facilities are, simply, toilets.

We recently traveled to Ireland and I’ll bet you’d like to read about castles, beautiful churches and maybe even Irish whiskey. We will blog those posts–soon. But this is one of those little things, which makes travel so interesting.

Most Irish toilets are somewhat familiar. But if you “go local” you’re in for some curious differences.

We didn’t experience pull chains, but the flusher was usually a button. Easy enough (if you can find it). We also experienced the “split” button. The bigger side provided a regular flush and the smaller side was for “lighter” jobs to conserve water.

The restrooms were generally clean and occasionally we saw toilet seat sanitizers. Simply squirt some cleaner on toilet paper then wipe down the seat. Nice. Another courtesy that we witnessed was when the toilet lid was down. This indicated the toilet needed attention and wasn’t functioning properly. Move on.

None of us missed our”Miller Time”, but it took a bit of adjustment to the obvious lack of paper toweling. Although there was an abundance of Dyson Airblades, some hand dryers were much slower or, as in the Hazel Mountain Chocolates’ toilet, a hand towel hung on the back of the door.

Before you travel, it’s good to know fuel stations are not easily found and there are no rest areas. Restaurants and pubs always have restrooms and the proprietors won’t raise a stink (get it?) if you aren’t a patron. Hotels also have restrooms for those cheeky enough to use the facilities when they’re not guests.

Most toilets are down many stairs or up many stairs, so plan ahead for a long walk–even at the Galway McDonald’s. Sandy went up, up, up the first set of stairs that caught her eye. Nope. She saw more teens congregating with their electronics, but no bathrooms. Down. Up, up, up another set…exhausted but victorious and getting good practice for the next three or four visits she made.

Parks usually have public restrooms, as well. Near Galway Bay, Eddie, going by the creed, “never trust a fart and never pass up the chance to use the bathroom”, tried to use the facilities and came back completely perplexed. The door was labeled “Fir”. At his expense, we found the befuddlement highly amusing. Later, when we reached WIFI, we discovered “Fir” was Gaelic for men and “Mná” indicated ladies.

On our 2015 visit to the Cliffs of Moher, a photographic display of the cliffs was plastered directly onto the doors of the Women’s restroom stalls. Pretty. This time, we nearly stopped in our tracks when we saw the unisex sign. This was not just unisex, but multi-user unisex! We’ve all been married over 30 years and still close the door when using the bathroom at home, so this was a first. Before entering, I had the impulse to cry out “Hello?” I then entered with my head lowered as men stood at urinals, not realizing they were in a common area where everyone can wash their hands or check the mirror to see if they had spinach on their teeth. I have no objection to it in principle, especially if men put the seat down, but I’m a product of my time and my culture. These are the days of our (2017) lives.

If it’s a 911 urge, I suppose you can use nature when nature calls. There are plenty of unpopulated fields, stone walls, and hedgerows as you travel through Ireland. So always – carry tissues