Memories of Mom

by Irene // May 27, 2015 // 10 Comments

Today would have been my Mom’s 85th birthday, which explains the memories that have lately popped in my head. I smile when I realize my childhood was anything but conventional.

We grew up hearing stories of how difficult her life was so that we, too, would work hard and excel.

Mom was a farm girl, so she knew hard work and expected the same from her children. This was demonstrated by many things, but mostly by her joy of gardening. Our backyard was a jungle of flowers, vegetables and fruits that took a half-day to water. Well into her 70’s, she didn’t think twice about carrying a 40-pound bag of manure to a flowerbed. There’s no question as to why Sandy and I garden and use Mom’s hints, including the use of jars as hot houses to start a new rose or two.

Mom’s toughness was instilled in us where health issues were concerned as well. Home remedies included applying or ingesting vinegar, wodka, Vernor’s Ginger Ale or rubbing alcohol as health-giving ingredients. Chamomile tea and antibiotics cured everything. Only when you were half-dead, were you taken to the doctor.

Vinegar deserved a special place in our pantry, or under the kitchen sink, as in our house, which always smelled like vinegar. Mom used it to clean. It was used medicinally for anything from hiccups to headaches. The whole month of August was canning season, and again, more vinegar. Many of Mom’s recipes called for vinegar, (pig’s feet was drenched in the stuff; homemade pickles, salad dressings and even her pie crust got a dash of it).

When we complained about some of the Polish delicacies we were served (tripe soup, pig feet or cow tongue), we didn’t hear, “there are children starving in China.” We instead heard, “If you don’t like your food, go to Mexico!” I’m not sure where this came from…Mom never visited Mexico. Perhaps she watched a Cinco De Mayo special on her favorite channel, The Food Network, and thought the dishes were unappetizing? I don’t know.

If she dropped a utensil, an unexpected visitor was expected. A knife indicated a male visitor; a spoon meant a female. If you dropped a fork, it meant a couple. Everyone entering our home, including neighbors, repairmen and mail carriers were fed. You weren’t asked if you’d like seconds (or thirds), it just appeared on your plate. There was no helping yourself and it was good manners (and a nod to the cook) to eat everything on your plate.

We were taught to mind our manners. You wouldn’t dare call your elder by “you” or by their first name. You always used “Pan” (Mr.) or “Pani” (Miss/Mrs.) preceding their first name. Close family friends were your extended family. They were referred to as aunts, uncles and cousins and were also considered company. We were adults before we realized more than half of our relatives weren’t related to us!

When company was expected, the house was cleaned (including washing the doors), meals were planned, mismatched chipped dishes were put away and we were dressed appropriately. Guests were always honored. I recall an event (Sandy’s birthday or First Communion), where she sat on an upturned bucket, while our cousins had chairs.

Mom and Dad had no debt and always paid cash. Sometimes a loan was taken from friends but paying off the loan was a priority. Banks were not there for loans; they were there to save money and earn interest. At a very early age we received our first bank account and were taught to save our money. We weren’t allowed to spend a cent of it until we moved out (and you didn’t move out until you had enough money for your own house or you were getting married).

Mom was fiercely independent. She was well into her 30’s and hadn’t completely grasped the English language when she tested for and received her driver’s license. She followed most of the laws but hit the gas pedal like a NASCAR racer. Braking was pretty hard and fast as well.

Polish mothers, including my own, overdress their children so they don’t become ill. I used to say, “If I was going to hell, Mom would insist I take a sweater”.

We spoke Polish at home and learned complicated pronunciations of last names so English tongue twisters to us were very easy. Mom had a Polish tongue twister that we were never able to master.

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. This is typical motherly advice given to her children. In our house we had a mix. Some advice was typical. Other advice was, well, let’s say different.

I hope when you grow up, you have kids just like you! (Also known as “the mother’s curse”). In the same vein: “Just you wait until you have kids of your own—I hope they treat you as badly as you treat me”.
Don’t sit on concrete. You’ll get a kidney infection. It’s not true according to Snopes.com.
Do everything in moderation. Mom often told us of a little girl in the “old country” that was fed so many carrots her skin turned orange. This is one that really sticks with me, (with the exception of my egg cup overload).
Never throw bread in the garbage. Bread symbolizes the body of Christ and is considered sacrilegious to dispose of it irreverently. Our bread went to the birds. My sister and I both continue to follow this rule

Later in life, we received this kind of advice:

Don’t shit where you sleep. This was not “save the planet” advice. This meant you should not cause any trouble in a place you regularly frequent (school, work or a relative’s home).
On a date, keep a dime in your shoe. In case you have to flee suddenly without your jacket or purse, you had a dime to phone for help.

Never buy shoes for your boyfriend or husband, because he’ll walk out of your life. I took this to heart until I was married 25 years and figured he wasn’t walking anywhere.
Never put your elderly relatives in a nursing home. They’re not supposed to be a burden. They’re family and the Polish take care of family no matter what. Don’t argue.
Pork likes salt. Obviously, cooking advice that produces outstanding chops, roasts and kielbasa.

By the time I had children of my own, I knew being a mom was tough business. Mom had advice on child rearing:

Take a nap when the baby naps. (Yes, good advice.)
Babies need water. (Mom suggested something sweet like honey or Karo syrup, to encourage the baby to drink more water. Not a good idea, considering honey causes botulism in babies and Karo Syrup causes high triglycerides and future cavities.)

Don’t pick up the baby every time he cries. You’ll spoil him. (I took this advice for about 10 minutes. I remember hearing Bryce heartily crying in the nursery. I planned to hold my ground and let him cry himself to sleep. I felt like the worse Mom on the planet. When I checked on him and found his arm tangled in the spindles of the cradle, which led me to disregard this particular piece of advice.)
Keep the baby’s head covered at all times. (If you walked past the baby too fast, the breeze you created would be enough for Mom to cover the baby’s ears and scream “get a hat!”. My poor Bryce wore babushkas more than grandmothers on the Russian Front.)

My brother, Ray, the only boy, received entirely different advice:

If someone picks a fight, you should say, “what a nice shirt!” to divert the ruffian’s attention as you ran.
No matter what, finish college. (Mom believed you couldn’t make a living being a writer, photographer, musician, actor or athlete even if you showed her a million dollar paycheck with the exception of my brother who became, and continues to be, a news columnist/reporter.)

Spit and catch it. (Her advice to him when he claimed boredom.)

These are just some of the things I have learned from Mom, who selflessly and always took care of others. She is the inspiration behind our becoming decent and good.

I miss her….

Happy Birthday, Mom! Sto Lat!

Grumpy Old Men

by Irene // May 17, 2015 // 6 Comments

This week, my husband, Mark, and I made our first seasonal trip to Pentwater, Michigan. That meant spending 8 hours in the car each way and spending five days together. All of that togetherness reminded me of the annoying things middle-aged men sometimes do.

Since Mark does all the driving, I’ll begin with his annoying driving habits. He swears like Gordon Ramsey at red lights, in heavy traffic, if someone is rude, driving too fast or too slow, old drivers, young drivers, those who don’t know how to merge and cars with family stick figures on their rear window. My response is usually: “Passenger is uncomfortable”.

When other drivers specifically target him, (yeah, he really believes that) and he decides to punish the driver, no matter how hard I try to be quiet, a lecture just seems to leak out of me.

He not only does the driving on long trips, he also drives me everywhere including to church, to visit my sister and to do any shopping…and he waits for me in the car! I’m sure he thinks that if he drives, I won’t die. Or, if I do the driving, he may be avoiding a butt-clenching, dashboard-holding, foot-breaking ride in the passenger seat.

And, he always parks in the farthest spot from the store. Since no one else parks that far away, it’s unlikely the car will get scratched. (It’s certainly not for the exercise!) As we walk, I point to every spot we could have had.

Mark also shouts at the television pretty regularly. He knows they can’t hear him, right? Maybe he thinks he can control the Senate, the way the Steelers are playing or the small blonde in the horror movie walking into a dark room with the music in crescendo.

Another bothersome television behavior includes channel surfing. The FX Channel. Oh, wait, Fox News, or, or, the 1940’s Cowboy flick? No. Wait. How about “Ridiculousness”? Back to the Fox News Channel…the hardest part is when he leaves the channel on for more than 2 minutes and I get involved. Forget about it! I’m out of luck.

Then there are the times he falls asleep with the remote in his hand and wakes up long enough to change the channel, to prove he’s not dozing. Then goes back to sleep.

When it comes to conversations that interest me, Mark has few words. Except at the most inopportune times. I’m a last minute Betsy, always running late in the morning. There’s usually just enough time to grab my bag, give Mark a peck, say “I love you” and get in the car. Inevitably that’s when Mark asks, “Did you hear Beyonce and Jay-Z are on the rocks?” Or, “do you believe in the after-life?“ Or, “should I start carrying a gun? You never know when ISIS will strike.” My husband also decides to have a conversation when I turn on the vacuum, head to the bathroom, while I’m drying my hair, washing dishes or in the shower.

He tells little white lies. I’m sure it’s because he doesn’t want to offend me or he wants to avoid a project I have in mind. He may also want to duck long discussions and disagreements (arguments). So when he cut down two trees and removed five bushes in front of our house, he promised they would be replaced. If I question him, he acts like it’s an SS interrogation. I think he says what I want to hear with the hope I’ll get over it or forget.

Then there’s his fashion sense. He stopped buying clothes just after the Beatles broke up and refuses to wear anything I buy for him. And what’s with all the old, frayed and bleached shirts and pants? He claims they’re his work clothes, but he has enough to last through the cleaning of the Taj Mahal with a toothbrush. No one needs that many work clothes.

Here is something all couples can relate to: a compromised temperature setting. Mark runs the air conditioning from April through November using “allergies”, “dampness” or “stuffiness” as his defense. During winter, the temperature is set to what feels like 50 degrees. Why? Because we must save money?” Battle “global temperature change”? No. Mark just feels warmer than I do. So, he wakes up with two inches of sheet around his ankles and I’m wearing my Elmer Fudd hat and entirely encased in the comforter with a small opening for my nose and mouth, so I don’t suffocate.

Men have long been conditioned to keep their feelings inside. I guess if you’re a man and have “sucked it up” for 40 years, you deserve to get a little grumpy.

There’s no need to feel sorry for me, though. Mark is a wonderful, loving husband who does so much for me. And I’m sure he’s annoyed with some of my habits/behaviors (but he doesn’t have a blog).

He has coffee made in the morning before I get up. He does all the cooking and grocery shopping. He makes sure my car is gassed and running like a top. Conversation is sometimes profound and he makes me laugh. We have fun together. These characteristics just aren’t as funny as the annoying ones…

Yard Sales

by Irene // May 5, 2015 // 3 Comments

Hear that? Birds are singing and lawnmowers are running. It’s spring! You know what that means? Yard Sales!!!! Get ready to score some cash and get rid of Aunt Dorothy’s porch goose and its twelve outfits!

Every June our neighborhood has a street sale that draws a ton of people. I’ve participated many times before and plan to participate this year. If you’re not lucky enough to have someone plan a street sale, team up with a neighbor, seek out group sales at churches (rent a table), city-wide sales or even the longest yard sale.

Here are suggestions to have a successful sale:

Two months before the sale

Start de-cluttering one area/room at a time. Keep Swiffer Sweeper dry sheets and Clorox wipes handy to quickly clean items. Also, remember that the dishwasher is your friend.
Price as you go and you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find your “treasures” automatically organize themselves. ie., kitchen stuff will all be together, clothing will all be in one place, etc.

Pricing:

Do you want to make money or get rid of things? Price accordingly. I generally mark items down 25%-30% of what I paid new. I say “generally”, because you tend to price higher if you’re unsure you want to sell. Believe me. Some items are fraught with meaning and make their way back into the house. Don’t feel guilty if you’re not ready to part with something!

What you need:

Stickers–My favorite are the pre-priced, round, neon stickers you can find at Dollar Tree.
Tags with strings—I bought a box of 1,000 for about $10 at an office supply store and they’ll last a lifetime.
A china marker–These are wonderful to mark directly onto hard, glossy, non-porous surfaces such as porcelain, glass, polished stone, plastic and ceramics.
Blue painters tape and a Sharpie for odd items.
Safety pins for clothing, linens, etc.

I write little “notes” on the price tags of some items to make them more intriguing, (a glass bowl with a lid may be a “great cotton ball holder” or a hankie becomes a “mother-in-law” or “bride’s” hankie).

This is also a good time to start saving bags and packing material.

Two weeks before the sale

Make signs.

Check with local government and Homeowners’ Associations for restrictions as to the length of time and placement of signs
Place signs in each direction (North, South, East and West) on the first street with a posted speed limit (the busier streets with the most traffic). Don’t forget to put a sign in front of the house and add balloons, crepe paper or other attention-getting material.
Signs should read: “Yard/Garage Sale”. State the day, start time, end time and address with an arrow pointing in the right direction.

If you have a number of comparable items such as magazines, t-shirts or items that sell for one price, then make a sign that applies to that grouping. (eg., $1 for t-shirts, .25 for anything on this table, etc.) There’s no harm in being clever as it attracts attention and makes sales. I once had several leftover gallons of latex paint that were ignored. Slapping on a sign that read:

did the trick.

Use plastic page protectors to keep your signs dry. In addition, wind won’t blow them away and you can use them again next year.

Advertise

Place your event on your city calendar. Google your city and state (eg., Phoenix AZ yard sale calendar). In most instances, it’s free.
Use Craig’s List.
Use Garage Sales Tracker
Bulletin Boards (Wal-Mart, grocery stores)
Catholic church bulletins
List your yard sale in the newspaper classifieds (both the paper version and the online version). You can create your ad online with a credit card.

Two days before

Make sure you have a working electrical outlet and batteries to test sale items.
Have a lot of change. I usually start with a roll each of quarters, dimes and nickels, twenty-five $1 bills and a few $5 and $10 bills.

Set up. Our street sale has a special viewing for our neighbors on Friday night. If that’s not a factor, it’s still nice to be ready two days before the sale.
Lower the prices halfway through the sale. Everything (except those things I changed my mind about) goes for 50% off. This becomes a great response to give those annoying low-ballers. I just point to the “50% off at 11:00 a.m.” sign and smile.

I once put out a box of free items and a bald, middle aged, butterball of a man picked up the whole box and walked away. So, now I intersperse the free items with other items for sale and watch the glee when someone finds a treasure with a price tag that totes: “FREE”.

The morning of the sale:

Put the most desirable things like furniture and “man toys” (lawn mowers, tools and fishing equipment) close to the street so customers will be drawn to your sale as they drive by.
Turn on the music. It will alleviate any awkward silence and make your customers feel welcome.
Offer bags (that you’ve been saving) to those with full hands…so they’re unburdened and likely to purchase more.
Sell, Sell, Sell–Sandy and her dear husband, Eddie, were with us to help on the last street sale. They taught me a thing or two about selling: Don’t be shy! Tell that lady who is trying on that hat that she looks lovely. Engage the customer. Be friendly. Be fun.

Don’ts

Don’t sell things that belong to others. I once sold my youngest son’s Super Nintendo System. Something I still regret even though it has since been replaced.
Don’t leave your cash box unattended. Better yet, wear an apron with pockets.
Don’t let anyone into your home. Even if they have to use the restroom.
Don’t “bad mouth” your merchandise.

At the end of the sale

Anything that hasn’t sold can be donated. Listing items as they get packed into boxes will make non-cash charitable deductions easier to calculate at tax time. We’ve been approached by local churches to pickup items that haven’t sold, but you can schedule a pickup. Some charities that pick-up are:

So, have a blast, make room for the things you love, meet your neighbors and make new friends all while making some pocket money!

Re-Entering the Work Force: How to Nail an Interview

by Sandy // April 21, 2015 // No Comments

You can have the greatest resume ever written and still not get the job. Not if you don’t interview well. If you’re lucky enough to get an interview, make sure you make an outstanding impression. It may be the difference between getting the job and not.

OK, I admit it. The first time I was interviewed by a ‘panel’ of people (3 or more people conducting the interview at the same time), I was so nervous, I leaked (just a little bit) from almost every opening in my body. But after a few more panel interviews, I got good at it. I realized that if you know how, it’s not that difficult. If you want to nail your interview, there are 3 things that make it easier: Prepare, Know how to answer questions, and Practice.

PREPARE:

Treat “getting a job” as a job. Work at it 8 hours a day: do your homework and study.

Research the company. Find out what you can: What do they do? Who do they do it for? How well do they do it? Who is their competition? Do they have a website? If so, read it. Become an expert on their accomplishments and goals. (It shows initiative and may set you apart from other candidates.)
Drive to the location so you know exactly where you’ll be going on the day of the interview. (The worst first impression you can make is to be late for an interview.)
Jot down your answers to the potential interview questions and learn them. (At our age, things we “know” aren’t always easily accessible by our brains! We’ll cover how you should answer questions just below).
Take care of your appearance. Select an appropriate outfit and have it ready at all times. When he was a teenager, my son couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t getting jobs. When I suggested that the baggy pants with chains, 26 earrings, doo-rag and unkempt beard (which was curly and reminded me of a pubic bush) might possibly have something to do with it, he said “If they want me, they must take me as I am!” Apparently, they didn’t. When hiring, books are often judged by their covers (there’s little else to go on), so unless you’re applying for a job in the theatre, tone it down.

ANSWERING QUESTIONS:

During the interview, keep these hints in mind:

Pause. After a question is asked, pause (for just a minute) and collect your thoughts. You don’t want to appear ‘rehearsed’ but you don’t want to stumble over your words or say something inappropriate either.

Know the potential interview questions and your answers. Keep in mind, the same answer can apply to multiple questions, especially the Behavioral Questions (questions that require an example of a time you encountered a specific situation). Monster.com has a good list of 100 Potential Interview Questions. (I told you it was a full time job looking for a job!)
Answer Behavioral Questions using 3 parts: (1) State the situation, (2) describe what action YOU took, and, all too often omitted, (3) explain what the end result was. (Don’t use words like “we”. They’re only interested in what you did. They’re not hiring your “team” or your coworkers.)

Be selective about your answers. Just because it happened, doesn’t mean you should share it in an interview. If the subject generally makes people squirm, don’t use it as an example. Once, a coworker went on an interview and when asked to describe a difficult situation, she described a time she had to ask a male employee not to masturbate at his desk. Although she had handled the situation admirably, it wasn’t the best example to use during an interview. She didn’t get the job.
Be honest. Don’t lie or try to fudge an answer to a question. If you can’t think of an answer quickly, ask if you can come back to it later. If you don’t know the answer, say so.
If you’re given a brainteaser question, feel free to open your notebook (you brought one, didn’t you?) and calculate the answer. The logic you use is more important than having the correct answer (but the correct answer doesn’t hurt).

PRACTICE:

Practice. Then practice some more. Practice with a friend, with your pet, with a mirror. Practice answering interview questions while doing dishes, and practice out loud. Everything sounds great in our heads; not so much when we say it out loud. The more you practice, the more comfortable (and as a result, more natural) you will be.

I suppose carrying a rabbit’s foot couldn’t hurt, either. Good luck!

Read Re-Entering the Work Force: Writing a Resume to create the best resume for the job.

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